I need to learn to just "let it go". Three small words, insignificant on their own, but put together they create a phrase that I am hearing again and again in my head these days... "let it go" just "let it go".
Now, this could be because I have an obsessive personality and things that bother me, cause me to obsess over them, and the only real way to make everything okee dokee again, is to solve what it is that is causing the bother. Ahhh much much easier said than done. It is not an easy task to solve the issue, when said issue does not only include yourself. And these are the times when I need to learn to walk away and let it go. Try and try as I may, I will not be able to change someone's way of thinking, or change their idiotic self absorbed personality, hypothectically speaking of course.
It is especially frustrating when I go against all of my gut instincts, and all of my best judgement and try to make the best of a situation, only to get shit on it the end. Because again, when dealing with a hypothetical self absorbed idiot, can you really expect an outcome that is actually beneficial for everyone, and not just what suits this hypothetical idiot? Sigh... no, no you cannot. But I try to be the bigger person, actually I am the bigger person because I even put forth the effort in the first place. This in and of itself should be the grounds to "let it go" and walk away from the situation, a better person having learned a lesson. Nope. Can't do it.
I read once that holding a grudge is just letting someone rent free space in your head, and again you'd think this would be enough to say you know what, fuck it, Im moving on, letting it go. Nope. It's not so much of a grudge then a need to solve the situation make the problem go away, then and only then can I move on. This is obviously not working out so well for me. I need to be able to look at a situation and say to myself, "this is the best that it is ever going to be" and just "let it go".
I am not sure why I feel this need to right all the wrongs and make every situation in my life a tolerable one, at the very very least. I guess it is because no one really enjoys having to deal with an akward, uncomfortable or anger filled situation. But we can't all get what we want, so we have to find alternatives. And I have decided that my alternative is to forget about it, and to move on and to truly let it go. No it won't always be easy, but it is what is best for me and my situation and sometimes, especially in cases like these, it is okay to be selfish and look out for yourself. And with these words.. I am taking a deep breath... counting backwards from 10...
10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
and letting it go.
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