The Ex Factor

What is it about ex's that has the ability to drive one absolutely maniacal? (There may be some solace in knowing, that we are the Ex Factor in someone else's life.)

Is it because this person knows, what we now deem, too much about us and we wish we could erase their memory and take it all back? Hindsight is always 20/20 and that knowledge doesn't really do much good, when you are wishing you had in at the time. It is very easy to fall in love, it is very easy to give away one's secrets when you are with someone whom you trust and feel so strongly about. The problem arises, when you no longer are in love with this person and they still know your secrets, your insecurities and of course how to push each and everyone of your buttons, good or bad. You are then left feeling totally vunerable, and open to attack from this person, and there is only so much defense you can use against what they already know to be true about you. The ex knows your friend, your family, where you hang out, where you grew up, what you love about yourself, what you hate about yourself, possibly you have been intimate with this person, and you share certain memories that you cannot share with anyone else. This can be comforting if you are one of the few who can take a step back from all of this and remain friends after the love has faded, however more often than not, the love fades, and the friendship is anihiltated. We cannnot take back the past, so we are left to face it time and time again in our future.

Or perhaps, it because the relasionship ended in a bad way and the fond feelings we once had have been replaced by dreadful amount of contempt? If a relasionship ends in a bad way, and I know we all have at least one story here, the love quickly crosses the line to contempt and then all bets are off. The person whom we once shared our deepest feelings with, is now the person we would run over with our car and than back up over to assure we did the job. This is the person who once filled our facebook profile pictures, and now all pictures have been deleted by smashing on the delete button and any hard copie have been torn to pieces and then lit on fire for good measure. This is the person who was welcome to call you at anytime day or night, and now we have changed our phone number and have instructed everyone not to give it out. This is the person whom we once loved and now we full out hate. At this point we do not care what they know about us all we care about is that we do not have to think about them anymore. In my opinion this type of hatred is usually caused when you are still madly in love with the person, but they did something that you can not forgive, or perhaps they left you and broke your heart.

Which brings me to my next thought... maybe the ex drives us so insane because we are still in love with them. Ahhhh yes, the sweet sweet smell of denial. I know that from personal experience this was my cross to bear for many years. When you are no longer with the ex and they have moved on and so have you, but you still think about them, you wonder what they are doing, whom they are with, are they happy, are they thinking about you, and then you try to convince yourself that you are better off without that person, and force yourself to remember the bad times (which we all have) over the good time and time again, if this is your thought process, my friend you are still in love. It is a very hard revelation and quite the kick in the teeth when you know in your heart that "the one" got away. And that is why the ex has such a power over us.
Happily I can say that I am done with ex's in my life as I have found my one, and he is no longer and ex, he is my husband.

The little liar that could

We all know one, the liar.

Everyone lies, of course, we have to admit to that. Now of course there are your little white lies, and then there are the big honking lies that you pray no one will ever find out about, but that is human nature, we lie to save ourselves, to escape confrontation,embarrassement or hostility. But then there are those of us who lie on a continual basis, time and time again. When I say "liar" I am referring to the person who couldn't tell the truth if it was written down for them. The one who thinks that no one will ever discover their lie, no matter how obvious it is.

For instance the one who lies about medical science, who tells you things you know are impossible by scientific fact, yet they play you like a fool and act as though they are the exception, as if the rules that govern the rest of us don't apply to them. "I can hold my breath for 10 minutes under water..." SURE you can Aquaman.. sure you can. Or the one who tells a story, in which you were involved, to a third party and totally embelishes on the actual truths, and they know you were there, they know you know they are lying and yet they keep right at it, as if it's no biggie to them, "We were chased by rabid dogs..." And then there is the one, oh the worst one, the pathological liar.. ahhh yes, the little liar that could.

The pathological liar is incapable of the truth, every aspect of their life is a lie, they lie so much that they don't know where one lie begins and the other one ends, and neither do we. So, we give up. This is the type of person who you can call out on an obvious lie, and rather than admit the truth, they will just continue to lie about it... " I know you were cheating on me because we broke up in July, and on FaceBook you put in a relasionship since April..." "I know you weren't sick that day you took off from work, I SAW you at the store..." "I know you were not where you said you were on Wednesday you got a parking ticket from the other side of town..." and in spite of the undeniable evidence layed out in front of them.. they will still lie... lie more to cover up the original lie. And this is why we give up. We know there is no point in arguing it.. I just wonder if they know the truth or are they starting to believe their own bullshit.

I once saw a person, face to face, and had a conversation with them at their place of work... they later denied that they ever worked there... that gave me a whole new perspective of the pathological liar. I figure there are 2 types. Type 1 can't help it. They lie just to lie. They may not even  realize they are doing it anymore as it has become such a habit. Type 2 lies becuase they know that what they are doing is wrong. They know that their actions will cause judgement and they are not willing to accept responsibility for these actions so they deny them. Either which way you slice it, no one wants to be involved with a person they cannot trust. Trust is the building block for all relasionships, and if you are lying to form these relasionships, know that the lies will be discovered in time, they always are, and then you will be left alone, lying to yourself as to what really happened and why you are alone and friendless. And that, my friend, is the truth.

It is not easy, to say good-bye

Death is one of the most difficult things that a person will ever have to face in their lifetime. There never seems to be a good reason why, a right time, or the the right way to lose a loved one. We all know that inevitabely everyone and everything that lives will at some point in time, die, but we push this knowledge to the back of our minds in hopes that we will never have to face the day that we know is on it's way.
There is no greater loss than the loss of a loved one, knowing that you will never see them, hold them, talk to them, or just be with them, ever again is just pure torture to the soul. How can you ever get over the great feeling of sadness that settles deep within you and roots itself into your very being. The truth is that you never can. You will never be without the loss, it has become part of you, just like that living thing was a part of you. The pain will subside with time as the healing process moves on, and you will be able to fondly remember the good times, the happy time, and the funny times, but you will always wish that there were more to add to the library that you have kept alive in your heart. And that is how the life lives on, through us, through the ones that refuse to let the memory of a wonderful friend, a pet, a parent, and grandparent, or anyone we have lost, become forgotten. We talk about them, we remember them, and we share our memories with other's, this is how we keep the life going, this is how in our own little way, we don't allow death to be the final frontier.