The Ex Factor

What is it about ex's that has the ability to drive one absolutely maniacal? (There may be some solace in knowing, that we are the Ex Factor in someone else's life.)

Is it because this person knows, what we now deem, too much about us and we wish we could erase their memory and take it all back? Hindsight is always 20/20 and that knowledge doesn't really do much good, when you are wishing you had in at the time. It is very easy to fall in love, it is very easy to give away one's secrets when you are with someone whom you trust and feel so strongly about. The problem arises, when you no longer are in love with this person and they still know your secrets, your insecurities and of course how to push each and everyone of your buttons, good or bad. You are then left feeling totally vunerable, and open to attack from this person, and there is only so much defense you can use against what they already know to be true about you. The ex knows your friend, your family, where you hang out, where you grew up, what you love about yourself, what you hate about yourself, possibly you have been intimate with this person, and you share certain memories that you cannot share with anyone else. This can be comforting if you are one of the few who can take a step back from all of this and remain friends after the love has faded, however more often than not, the love fades, and the friendship is anihiltated. We cannnot take back the past, so we are left to face it time and time again in our future.

Or perhaps, it because the relasionship ended in a bad way and the fond feelings we once had have been replaced by dreadful amount of contempt? If a relasionship ends in a bad way, and I know we all have at least one story here, the love quickly crosses the line to contempt and then all bets are off. The person whom we once shared our deepest feelings with, is now the person we would run over with our car and than back up over to assure we did the job. This is the person who once filled our facebook profile pictures, and now all pictures have been deleted by smashing on the delete button and any hard copie have been torn to pieces and then lit on fire for good measure. This is the person who was welcome to call you at anytime day or night, and now we have changed our phone number and have instructed everyone not to give it out. This is the person whom we once loved and now we full out hate. At this point we do not care what they know about us all we care about is that we do not have to think about them anymore. In my opinion this type of hatred is usually caused when you are still madly in love with the person, but they did something that you can not forgive, or perhaps they left you and broke your heart.

Which brings me to my next thought... maybe the ex drives us so insane because we are still in love with them. Ahhhh yes, the sweet sweet smell of denial. I know that from personal experience this was my cross to bear for many years. When you are no longer with the ex and they have moved on and so have you, but you still think about them, you wonder what they are doing, whom they are with, are they happy, are they thinking about you, and then you try to convince yourself that you are better off without that person, and force yourself to remember the bad times (which we all have) over the good time and time again, if this is your thought process, my friend you are still in love. It is a very hard revelation and quite the kick in the teeth when you know in your heart that "the one" got away. And that is why the ex has such a power over us.
Happily I can say that I am done with ex's in my life as I have found my one, and he is no longer and ex, he is my husband.