I have a theory about men and woman. And I just may have the equation to true love. Move over eHarmony, I have a much easier way to determine whether you are soulmates, and it won't cost you a subscription.
Men are all stupid. They cannot help it. The stupid gene is present in testosterone and there is just nothing you can do about that fella's. Of course, there are degrees of a man's stupidity. The degree of stupidity however is not directly linked to the level of testosterone, meaning that a very manly man is not automatically more stupid than your metro sexual girly man. I am still working on the exact formula, stay tuned for that. Either way, I digress. Men are stupid.
Women are all crazy. They cannot help it. The crazy gene is present in the uterus. There are again varying degrees of crazy that can be found woman to woman, but there will always be some form of crazy.
Now this is where the magic happens... A man who is more stupid is compatible with a woman who is more crazy. He is too stupid to realize her absolute insanity, and she is to insane to realize his absolute stupidity. Example: A very crazy woman will be a disaster, mentally and emotionally. A very stupid man will not realize this and will be happy to be with her. The crazy woman will not realize that only a very stupid man would be with her and she is happy to have anyone in her life.
You doubt this? Take a look at those around you... you will see that this theory works out again, and again and again.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Flowers vs Blow Jobs
Yesterday was Steak and BJ Day, a month after Valentine's Day and I guess it is the man's rebuttal to this holiday. In fact after reading about the holiday, I have learned that this is a win-win as men will try harder on Valentine's day to assure that they get a memorable March 14th. It makes sense to me.
You see here is the difference between men and women simply explained. Most women want romance, a little gesture that shows her that her man loves her. Doesn't matter if it is on a holilday in which he is obligated to show his love. All that matters to her is that she gets that gesture, flowers, a card, jewlery, chocolate, dinner, candlelight, and so much more define what Valentine's Day has become. Women want their man to gush and fuss over them and make a big ordeal and make them feel special. Men on the other hand, want a good steak and some oral sex. That is what it takes to make your man feel special and loved. And doesn't he deserve it?
At first I will admit, I thought, wow that is a little offensive, but once I gave it a little thought I realized that it is no more offensive than asking your man to be something that he usually is not on Valentine's Day to make you feel special. Men like to be spoiled as well, and why shouldn't they be? So their idea of romantic spoiling may be a little bit different than your own, but if he can muster it up and buy you a lala love card and send you roses so that you can brag to your friends about the wonderful man you have, then really, how awful is it that you reciprocate with something that makes him happy.While he is eating his steak, you'll have a mouthful of your own. Give him something to brag to his friends about.
After all aren't relasionships compromise?
You see here is the difference between men and women simply explained. Most women want romance, a little gesture that shows her that her man loves her. Doesn't matter if it is on a holilday in which he is obligated to show his love. All that matters to her is that she gets that gesture, flowers, a card, jewlery, chocolate, dinner, candlelight, and so much more define what Valentine's Day has become. Women want their man to gush and fuss over them and make a big ordeal and make them feel special. Men on the other hand, want a good steak and some oral sex. That is what it takes to make your man feel special and loved. And doesn't he deserve it?
At first I will admit, I thought, wow that is a little offensive, but once I gave it a little thought I realized that it is no more offensive than asking your man to be something that he usually is not on Valentine's Day to make you feel special. Men like to be spoiled as well, and why shouldn't they be? So their idea of romantic spoiling may be a little bit different than your own, but if he can muster it up and buy you a lala love card and send you roses so that you can brag to your friends about the wonderful man you have, then really, how awful is it that you reciprocate with something that makes him happy.While he is eating his steak, you'll have a mouthful of your own. Give him something to brag to his friends about.
After all aren't relasionships compromise?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Montreal Thanks You for the Humilation.
Let me first start off by stating for the record, that I am not an NHL fan as of late. I haven't watched a game in about 5 years now, so before anyone reads this and goes off on me for being a Bruins fan, know your facts.
Injuries in sports are unfortunately an occurance that happens. Many a player has been injured by accident or by intention, and neither one is acceptable in the eyes of a fan. It is an easier pill to swallow when an injury is an accident of course, but you will always have those people who feel that is was intentional. Now I may be naive in saying this, but I would like to believe that even though a hit may be intentional, the serious injury that it may or may not cause was not the intention. Yes, of course there are the goons on the ice that are put there to man handle the other players, and to protect their star players, and while they are aggressive and there to be physical, I again would like to believe that they never intentionally plan out to end someone's career. In the end no one but the aggressor will ever truly know the real intentions, and who are we to judge? Who are we to say, out of anger, that someone meant to cause the injury that could possible end a career? Are we clairvoyant and all knowing? Last I checked you were a pissed off fan sitting on your couch.
Eric Lindros had his career ended in the semi-finals for the Stanley cup, did the city of Philly cause an uproar? Crosby is still recovering from a very serious injury, and he is just a kid, has Pittsburgh declared war against Washington? Koivu suffered an injury to his eye and did Montreal.. oh wait... I am sure we did do something stupid.
This city's hockey fans, and I use the term lightly, because in my mind if you were a fan who would not disgrace your city and your team the way that these so-called fans have done, time and time again. Win or lose somehow our city ends up in flames and riots. We actually have the odasity and the balls to boo a national anthem, holy disrespect batman. You should be slapped in the mouth for such outrageously disgusting behaviour. Twice. With a bat. And then the icing on the cake was when I heard that there were fans (again using the term loosely) that were actually calling the police emergency line to report Chara. ARE YOU FOR REAL PEOPLE? Have you actually become this retarded from the so called love of a game? Holy f**k get a life, get laid, get a hobby, do something with your life because you are spiralling out of control. This type of behaviour is dispicable, disgraceful, idiotic, insane, and these people should be fined for their stupidity and suspended from the game of life for their actions. Forget hockey people, you have gone to far here. Or better yet, the police should respond to their call with a house call and a smack in the mouth with a baton. Twice.
Now please, do not get me wrong. I think that it is awful what happened to this kid, at only age 22 he has his whole career ahead of him. I think that the NHL really needs to take a good look at what is going on out there on the ice because it seems to be a regular occurence these days, that someone is injured by a dirty hit. This is not MMA here, this is hockey. I am not familiar with the rules of the game anymore, but I can say that there seems to be something lacking in terms of consequences.
What I do think is wrong is the way that our city is reacting to this. I have to say that rioting, setting our city on fire, booing national anthems, and now calling emergency lines that are reserved for you know, emergencies, is downright embarrassing not only to our city as a whole, but to the team. Would you want to be drafted to a team, who's fans reacted in such a way? I'm going to go with no. Someone said "well you have to admire their passion" ya about as much as I would a husband who commits a murder suicide after catching his wife with his best friend.
You want to make your voice heard? Do it the right way. Go about the right channels to make it heard that these type of incidences, regardless of what team the player is on, are not going to be tolerated by the fans. Make the NHL feel it where they will feel it the most, their pocket. Boycott the sport if you have to. Do not humliate our beautiful city. But more importantly, do not humiliate those that are REAL fans of the sport.
Injuries in sports are unfortunately an occurance that happens. Many a player has been injured by accident or by intention, and neither one is acceptable in the eyes of a fan. It is an easier pill to swallow when an injury is an accident of course, but you will always have those people who feel that is was intentional. Now I may be naive in saying this, but I would like to believe that even though a hit may be intentional, the serious injury that it may or may not cause was not the intention. Yes, of course there are the goons on the ice that are put there to man handle the other players, and to protect their star players, and while they are aggressive and there to be physical, I again would like to believe that they never intentionally plan out to end someone's career. In the end no one but the aggressor will ever truly know the real intentions, and who are we to judge? Who are we to say, out of anger, that someone meant to cause the injury that could possible end a career? Are we clairvoyant and all knowing? Last I checked you were a pissed off fan sitting on your couch.
Eric Lindros had his career ended in the semi-finals for the Stanley cup, did the city of Philly cause an uproar? Crosby is still recovering from a very serious injury, and he is just a kid, has Pittsburgh declared war against Washington? Koivu suffered an injury to his eye and did Montreal.. oh wait... I am sure we did do something stupid.
This city's hockey fans, and I use the term lightly, because in my mind if you were a fan who would not disgrace your city and your team the way that these so-called fans have done, time and time again. Win or lose somehow our city ends up in flames and riots. We actually have the odasity and the balls to boo a national anthem, holy disrespect batman. You should be slapped in the mouth for such outrageously disgusting behaviour. Twice. With a bat. And then the icing on the cake was when I heard that there were fans (again using the term loosely) that were actually calling the police emergency line to report Chara. ARE YOU FOR REAL PEOPLE? Have you actually become this retarded from the so called love of a game? Holy f**k get a life, get laid, get a hobby, do something with your life because you are spiralling out of control. This type of behaviour is dispicable, disgraceful, idiotic, insane, and these people should be fined for their stupidity and suspended from the game of life for their actions. Forget hockey people, you have gone to far here. Or better yet, the police should respond to their call with a house call and a smack in the mouth with a baton. Twice.
Now please, do not get me wrong. I think that it is awful what happened to this kid, at only age 22 he has his whole career ahead of him. I think that the NHL really needs to take a good look at what is going on out there on the ice because it seems to be a regular occurence these days, that someone is injured by a dirty hit. This is not MMA here, this is hockey. I am not familiar with the rules of the game anymore, but I can say that there seems to be something lacking in terms of consequences.
What I do think is wrong is the way that our city is reacting to this. I have to say that rioting, setting our city on fire, booing national anthems, and now calling emergency lines that are reserved for you know, emergencies, is downright embarrassing not only to our city as a whole, but to the team. Would you want to be drafted to a team, who's fans reacted in such a way? I'm going to go with no. Someone said "well you have to admire their passion" ya about as much as I would a husband who commits a murder suicide after catching his wife with his best friend.
You want to make your voice heard? Do it the right way. Go about the right channels to make it heard that these type of incidences, regardless of what team the player is on, are not going to be tolerated by the fans. Make the NHL feel it where they will feel it the most, their pocket. Boycott the sport if you have to. Do not humliate our beautiful city. But more importantly, do not humiliate those that are REAL fans of the sport.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A Little Winter Perspective
It's still winter time in good ol'Montreal and guess what folks, that means snow. Imagine that? Snow, in winter, in Montreal. I know I am just as shocked and appualed as all of you are, I mean who would've thunk it. I mean living here for 29 years and every winter it is the same thing, cold weather and snow, but yet each and every winter there seems to be shock and awe that we are getting this type of weather. I have to ask, people what do you expect in winter, really? Sunshine and birds chirping? Perhaps a trip to the beach? If these are the winters that you expect, I have news for you, it is never gonna happen in good old Montreal Canada. Time to pack your bags and head off for a warmer climate.
Now I know to many of you this seems ideal, but personally I am happy to stay in my city and brave the few months of cold and snow and sleet and slush. Yes, I do love the summer, I in fact hate the cold, I am like a lizard, cold blooded and thrive off of heat and humidity, but I also enjoy the fact that our winter kills the things that could kill me, such as scorpions, poisionous snakes and spiders. I enjoy not having to worry about what may have crawled into my shoe that could bite me and cause me to have a seizure. I enjoy going outdoors for a BBQ and being able to walk through wooden areas without stomping my feet and screaming so that any snake that may be lurking, waiting to drive it's fangs into my exposed ankle, will hear me and slither away. I especially enjoy being able to leave my windows open at night without having to tear the sheets off my bed, checking for whatever insect may be in there, pregnant and hoping to lay eggs in my face.
And then of course there is the weather itself, but I will have to say that I would much rather deal with a snowstorm, than a hurricane, earthquake or tornado,anyday. I would much rather shovel out my car and walkway then have to dig through the remants of my house to look for my loved ones. Last time I checked there has been no evidence of a snowstorm coming and blowing your house away, three blocks down.
I think we should be thankful to live where we live, we have the experience of 4 seasons each year, we do not have insects that can kill us at their lesiure, we do not have storms that can destroy our lives, we have cold weather and snow 4-5 months out of the year... dear lord people put it into perspective, grab your snowpants and toboggan and enjoy the snow, because we all know that in only a few short months many of you will be complaining about the heat.
Now I know to many of you this seems ideal, but personally I am happy to stay in my city and brave the few months of cold and snow and sleet and slush. Yes, I do love the summer, I in fact hate the cold, I am like a lizard, cold blooded and thrive off of heat and humidity, but I also enjoy the fact that our winter kills the things that could kill me, such as scorpions, poisionous snakes and spiders. I enjoy not having to worry about what may have crawled into my shoe that could bite me and cause me to have a seizure. I enjoy going outdoors for a BBQ and being able to walk through wooden areas without stomping my feet and screaming so that any snake that may be lurking, waiting to drive it's fangs into my exposed ankle, will hear me and slither away. I especially enjoy being able to leave my windows open at night without having to tear the sheets off my bed, checking for whatever insect may be in there, pregnant and hoping to lay eggs in my face.
And then of course there is the weather itself, but I will have to say that I would much rather deal with a snowstorm, than a hurricane, earthquake or tornado,anyday. I would much rather shovel out my car and walkway then have to dig through the remants of my house to look for my loved ones. Last time I checked there has been no evidence of a snowstorm coming and blowing your house away, three blocks down.
I think we should be thankful to live where we live, we have the experience of 4 seasons each year, we do not have insects that can kill us at their lesiure, we do not have storms that can destroy our lives, we have cold weather and snow 4-5 months out of the year... dear lord people put it into perspective, grab your snowpants and toboggan and enjoy the snow, because we all know that in only a few short months many of you will be complaining about the heat.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
To Intervene on natural selection
I have become sadly addicted to watching Intervention. I have watched all seven seasons on NetFlix and still am looking for more. Not sure what it is about junkies that stimulate my mind, but it is there. So, then I got to thinking... they have interventions for drug addictions, eating disorders, video game addictions, why not have an intervention to save some one from their own stupidity?
I personally know at least a dozen people who could benefit tremendously from an intervention of this manner. "I have seen your stupidity affect your life, negatively, in the following ways..." I know that you can think of someone and complete that line of thought. Lord knows that I can.
It is a sad state of affairs that stupid people are allowed to run rampant through society, drive cars, and even breed. There is something to be said about a person that is incapable of caring for themselves procreating, and trust me it is nothing good. Hell, why we are at it why don't we start another intervention craze, the "You shouldn't breed intervention." Ahh now there is an idea... and sadly we all know a few of those, and even more sadly some that have already spread their seed.
In nature there is natural selection... the slow, the weak, the dumb, they get eaten or starve, maybe we should just skip the interventions and take a lesson from good old mother nature... after all mother knows best.
I personally know at least a dozen people who could benefit tremendously from an intervention of this manner. "I have seen your stupidity affect your life, negatively, in the following ways..." I know that you can think of someone and complete that line of thought. Lord knows that I can.
It is a sad state of affairs that stupid people are allowed to run rampant through society, drive cars, and even breed. There is something to be said about a person that is incapable of caring for themselves procreating, and trust me it is nothing good. Hell, why we are at it why don't we start another intervention craze, the "You shouldn't breed intervention." Ahh now there is an idea... and sadly we all know a few of those, and even more sadly some that have already spread their seed.
In nature there is natural selection... the slow, the weak, the dumb, they get eaten or starve, maybe we should just skip the interventions and take a lesson from good old mother nature... after all mother knows best.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)